PUNS.

By Anonymous -
Be ready to cringe.
  • What's the sleepiest mountain? Mount Everest. 
  • A person was in an elevator. There was a burger in the elevator. The person told this to their friend, and the friend was like, "Taking lunch to the next level!" 
  • Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming. 
  • The life of a coffee bean: 1. Still green at this. 2. Bean there, done that. 3. Has-bean. 
  • A person was chatting with their friend online while eating cheese. Talking to them, they said, 'This cheese is very cheesy,' and their friend said 'That pun was so cheesy!' 
  • Boss: 'How good are you at PowerPoint?' Me: 'I Excel at it.' Boss: 'Was that a Microsoft Office pun?' Me: 'Word.' 
  • I don't trust stairs because they're always up to something. 
  • You're living. You occupy space, and you have mass. You know what that means? You matter!
  • The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. 
  • Potterheads having a conversation: "My obsession with Harry Potter has gotten a bit riddikulus" "It's a sirius problem" "There's nothing ron with that" "Keep up with these puns and you might be muggled" "Too bad cause we're neville gonna stop" 
  • The man entered his home and was absolutely delighted when he discovered someone had stolen every lamp in the house. 
  • I know this is cheesy, but I feel grate. 
  • You butter do what I say or I shall assault you. (salt)
  • I'm reading a book about anti-gravity, it's impossible to put down. 
  • Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.  
  • It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers. 
  • What does a house wear? A dress.
  • Why couldn't the bicycle stand up on its own? It was two tired. 
  • Wanna go on a picnic to the farm? Alpaca lunch. 
  • I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction. 
  • What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear. 
  • I break into song if I can't find the key. 
  • Acupuncture is a jab well done. 
  • I'd make a veggie joke, but no one would carrot all. 
  • If you spend your day in a well, can you say your day was well spent? 
  • I was going to tell a sodium and hydrogen pun, but NaH. <--- And that one's great for Mrs Wright, cause she's all-right with science. (with honour to Mrs Wright, 09WGT) 
  •  Jokes about unemployed people are not funny, they just don't work. 
  • What do you call a laughing person who loves candy? Lol-lipop.
  • What happened when Past, Present, and Future walked into a bar? Well, it was tense. 
  • What's the difference between a cat and a comma? Cat: Claws at the end of paws. Comma: Pause at the end of a clause. 
  • Why do words, phrases, and punctuation keep ending up in court? Cause they have to be sentenced. 
  • Why did Shakespeare only write in pen? Because pencils confused him. 2B or not 2B? 

*WITH THANKS TO FRIENDS AND THE INTERNET*

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Queen’s Commonwealth Essay Competition

By Anonymous -
Are you a keen writer? Are you interested in current issues? Do you want to convey a message globally? If you answered yes to all of the above, then The Queen’s Commonwealth Essay Competition is for you! This competition is open to anyone in the Commonwealth, aged 18 or under. It started 135 years ago, and has been giving our youth the chance to express themselves and their opinions in the form of writing. The Royal Commonwealth Society runs it with the ambition to change the lives of citizens in the Commonwealth. They hope to promote youth empowerment, education, and advocacy.  Each year, four winners win a trip to London to take part in a ‘Winners’ Week’ programme of activities, including an Awards Ceremony at Buckingham Palace! Other prizes in the past have been signed books and gold pens. Gold, Silver and Bronze Certificates are awarded to excellent entries, but every child who enters the Competition receives a ‘Certificate of Participation’. Schools recei...
Read more

Comics

By -
Image
The Summer holidays are coming up for those of you who are not yet out of school. And what better thing to do in your holidays than read comics? Well I guess you could go outside ... and read comics. So here's some basic myths about comics debunked followed by details on how you can get into comics that would interest you. 1. They are hard to read. A common comment I hear from people is that comics are too hard to read, the thing is - they're not really. And that's not because I was brainwashed from a young age to understand them. Comic books are literally books, you just read them like books. Left to right and top to bottom. As soon as you get used to it you forget you're even doing it. Action Comics, art by Andy Kubert, written by Grant Morrison 2. They are not all superheroes. Secret Wars #1 cover by Alex Ross Contrary to popular belief superhero comics don't dominate the medium. Well they do but... they don't. There are tons of superhero co...
Read more

RIDDLES

By Anonymous -
1) A boy fell off a 1000 foot ladder, but did not get hurt, how is this possible? 2) One day a little boy named John told his parents that for his job, he wanted to shoot people and blow them up. His parents were very proud of his career choice. What does John want to do? 3) A farmer owns a massive pear tree, and he supplies fruit to a nearby grocery store. The grocer wants to buy some of his fruit, and wants to know how much is available for purchase. The farmer calculates that there are 24 branches, and each branch has 12 boughs, and each bough has twelve twigs. if each twig bears 1 fruit, how many plums will the farmer be able to deliver? 4) Two sisters, one dark and one fair, dwell in twin towers. One is from the land, and one is from the sea. What are they? 5) What is one question that you can never truthfully answer to? 6) Two girls both sat down at a cafe and ordered iced tea. One girl ordered one glass, and in the time she drank it, the other girl had drank five. The...
Read more