PUNS.

By Anonymous -
Be ready to cringe.
  • What's the sleepiest mountain? Mount Everest. 
  • A person was in an elevator. There was a burger in the elevator. The person told this to their friend, and the friend was like, "Taking lunch to the next level!" 
  • Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming. 
  • The life of a coffee bean: 1. Still green at this. 2. Bean there, done that. 3. Has-bean. 
  • A person was chatting with their friend online while eating cheese. Talking to them, they said, 'This cheese is very cheesy,' and their friend said 'That pun was so cheesy!' 
  • Boss: 'How good are you at PowerPoint?' Me: 'I Excel at it.' Boss: 'Was that a Microsoft Office pun?' Me: 'Word.' 
  • I don't trust stairs because they're always up to something. 
  • You're living. You occupy space, and you have mass. You know what that means? You matter!
  • The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. 
  • Potterheads having a conversation: "My obsession with Harry Potter has gotten a bit riddikulus" "It's a sirius problem" "There's nothing ron with that" "Keep up with these puns and you might be muggled" "Too bad cause we're neville gonna stop" 
  • The man entered his home and was absolutely delighted when he discovered someone had stolen every lamp in the house. 
  • I know this is cheesy, but I feel grate. 
  • You butter do what I say or I shall assault you. (salt)
  • I'm reading a book about anti-gravity, it's impossible to put down. 
  • Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.  
  • It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers. 
  • What does a house wear? A dress.
  • Why couldn't the bicycle stand up on its own? It was two tired. 
  • Wanna go on a picnic to the farm? Alpaca lunch. 
  • I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction. 
  • What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear. 
  • I break into song if I can't find the key. 
  • Acupuncture is a jab well done. 
  • I'd make a veggie joke, but no one would carrot all. 
  • If you spend your day in a well, can you say your day was well spent? 
  • I was going to tell a sodium and hydrogen pun, but NaH. <--- And that one's great for Mrs Wright, cause she's all-right with science. (with honour to Mrs Wright, 09WGT) 
  •  Jokes about unemployed people are not funny, they just don't work. 
  • What do you call a laughing person who loves candy? Lol-lipop.
  • What happened when Past, Present, and Future walked into a bar? Well, it was tense. 
  • What's the difference between a cat and a comma? Cat: Claws at the end of paws. Comma: Pause at the end of a clause. 
  • Why do words, phrases, and punctuation keep ending up in court? Cause they have to be sentenced. 
  • Why did Shakespeare only write in pen? Because pencils confused him. 2B or not 2B? 

*WITH THANKS TO FRIENDS AND THE INTERNET*

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